How Does This Sound?
I remember how your body felt pressed up against mine and the feeling of your hair across my fingertips. The moonlight illuminated the room and cast the shadow of our bodies, entwined, onto the wall. Your lighthearted giggle, quite like that of a young childs, would bring pleasant noise into the otherwise silent room and I couldn’t help but smile down at you. I could feel your breathing begin to become ragged each time I ran my hands against your pale skin. This felt so forbidden and it only caused me to want this even more. I grew so feeble when I realized this could never be mine; that you could never belong to me. I could never love you the way I desired. We were nothing but meaningless hopes and dreams for something that could never be.
I remember how I felt when you put me on top of your shoulders. I immediately felt closer to the sky, as if I was as high as the Empire State Building. I wish I had thanked you for that.
I remember your sweet, comforting lies.
That is brilliant!!!!!
just one change i would suggest, while reading this i found myself fully enveloped in this mystical place but was sharply returned to reality by the ‘Empire state building’, perhaps replace this with a less corporeal reference, like “as high as the stars above” or something like that.
but apart from that it is awsome!
Wow i have to give u props and say that was awsome i am pretty good at that sort of stuff myself but to know someone else out there can do better makes me want to strive to work harder. So i have to say thank u because this writing made me want to work harder and make something sound this beautiful just like urs.
Excellent work, mate.
Sounds like you got you point across.
Little dark, but I’m very sure you have a damn good reason for it.
wow awsome lyrics
i wish you sent a recording or a link to hear your vocie if you have a voice to suite tehese lyrics you can get a record deal
Wow! I…..Wow! That is amazing. Did you copy that out of a book or somthing? Wow!
Genius :] and Brilliant >.< i just love it.
That’s amazing. You should make it into a full length novel, if it isn’t already one.
I would substitute over for against. Otherwise you have some great imagery and by that I mean new and imaginative phrases. Scenes like these can be full of the same old hackneyed phrases. My favorite was the line about the giggle tho possibly the thought of a young child might suggest something deviant to those who look for such things. That is something to think about. Sadly we live in times where every word has to be carefully watched.